The One About the Revived and Revamped Blog

    They say that whatever you post online is there for eternity.  In this case, I am very thankful for that.  I have posted on my blog one time, yes one time, in the last 3 years.   Life got in the way, or more truthfully, I got in my own way.  Lately, I have been feeling pulled back to my abandoned blog.  I am searching for some kind of creative outlet for my passions.  I want to start writing again.  The reason that I began my blog years ago was as a scrapbook for the kids.  I mainly shared pictures of them, told funny stories about them, and narrated the day-to-day life of our family.  While I still plan to do that, I want this blog to me more personal:  MY thoughts, MY reflections, MY passions, and even MY struggles.  As I write this, there are very few people who know about the existence of this blog, and if they do they probably assume it has been abandoned for good and no longer check it for new posts. I am content with that.  I am not writing for exposure, attention, or "shares" on Facebook.  This blog is just for me. 
    I have been on this self-discovery journey for the last 1 1/2 years.  I have been working on myself, my heart, and my faith.  I have been praying, reading devotionals and personal development books, focusing on gratitude, and surrounding myself with likeminded and amazing women who build me up and inspire me to keep going in my journey.  I have learned a lot about myself, yet I have also stumbled.....and I have stumbled often. I have recognized that I am my worst critic, and I need to pray every single day for God's help in quieting those negative voices in my head.  I am a daughter of God, and His love for me is unconditional.  He will offer grace to me time and time again.  I cannot out-sin His grace, no matter how badly I feel that I have failed.  I have also learned that His timing is not necessarily MY timing, and I need to trust Him, even if I don't understand it at all.  God has a plan for me, and is looking at the big picture of my life. 
    With a small group of friends, I am doing a Bible Study called Mom Set Free.  It has changed my life. 

I wish I would have had this book when I became a mom 12 1/2 years ago.  There are so many fears and pressures of parenting, and this book addresses them all and teaches us that we are not expected to carry it all on our shoulders.  God doesn't ask that of us, so why do we feel that we have to do it all...and be perfect in our parenting.  He wants us to come to him with our worries and our struggles.  He doesn't expect perfection; only God is perfect.  By relying on God, we have freedom in our parenting, and what a relief that has been to me.  I am still a work in progress, but knowing that also gives me a sense of peace.  I don't have to have it all figured out right now, and I won't.  I will keep stumbling.  I will keep getting back up again.  I will keep growing.  I will keep praying.  I will stop trying to control everything and just be still.  
   

The One About the New Job

     It's been almost 3 years since I last posted.  So much for my promise to blog monthly.  Life has been trucking along for our family of five.  I don't feel like doing a recap post about where we are all, so I am just going to jump in.
     The big news in my life is that I resigned from my job as a Speech Pathologist and accepted a position as a School Librarian in the local school district where my boys are.  "You did what?  Why?"  That has been the big question that everyone keeps asking me.  I have also heard "Didn't you take a big pay cut?"  (None of your business, but not really, if you must know).  I don't think I was fully aware of it, but I have been searching for something else professionally for awhile.  I look back at my journal from last fall, and I was working through it and dreaming about it even at that point.  I LOVE my speech students, I really do.  I also LOVE my coworkers.  However, the job itself just wasn't making me happy.  I wasn't miserable, but I felt stuck.  Speech Pathology is a great career, but something was just off.  I can't really explain what it was, but I know in my heart that this decision to change jobs at this point in time was the right thing for me.  How it happened was an amazing story.  The woman who was doing both guidance and library was retiring at the end of the school year.  The school district had someone lined up for the position before I had even heard that it was available.  That person changed her mind, and the district advertised a position for both guidance and library.  So I casually mentioned to my Dad that I wished the school would split the position and hire me for the School Library position part-time.  Honestly, I said it as a joke, because never in my life did I think it was a possibility.  He encouraged me to contact the principal and throw the idea out to him.  "You never know."  I sent an email, and was surprised when I got a response telling me to send in my resume.  After that, things happened quickly.  I interviewed the next week and then accepted the position an hour after I interviewed.  The entire process happened over about 10 days.  Through this time, I prayed and prayed for guidance and for God to help me determine if this was really the right change to make in my life.  As I prayed over those 10 days, God just kept moving mountains and giving me signs that this was exactly where he was leading me.  So I followed.
      So this summer I have spent countless hours in the school library getting things ready for fall.  It's been a lot of work, but I have loved every single second of it.  I had the old, stuffy Elementary library painted a whimsical blue color.  I moved out old shelves and filing cabinets that were unnecessary to create more space.  I am currently working on weeding out old books and reference materials, which apparently has never happened because I am going through materials that students haven't used in 30+ years.  Then because I have a touch of OCD, I have created beautiful labels to help with organization.  I still have a long way to go, but eventually I will get there.  I am hoping once I weed out all the old books in the elementary library, I can move out enough shelves so that I can have a reading corner with a fun, colorful rug for the younger grades.  Here are a couple of pictures from the Elementary library:

For the high school library, I went with a farmhouse theme.

    I also wanted an area where I could highlight certain books.  I am starting with books that were turned into movies. 

     The biggest challenge so far has been technology.  I have had to learn the software system for our online catalog, as well as the Accelerated Reader system since I will also be in charge of that.  I am not confident with technology, nor skilled, so I have had several calls to tech support for assistance.  The number of hours that I have spent deciding which books that I want to order this fall is crazy, but again I have loved every single second of it.

The One About Callum's Potty Training

   The day is finally here.  I can officially say I no longer have a child in diapers in the house.  Callum is OFFICIALLY potty trained.  I didn't think this day would ever come.  We started to work on potty training at different times over the last 6 months or so.  The first few attempts led to screaming fits and refusal to wear undies.  He had times when he would sit on the toilet and go, but then threw a fit and screamed for diapers.  Every time we would try to put undies on the last few months, he responded with, "Not today!!"  I had two days off in a row this week, so just made the decision that enough is enough.  On Tuesday morning, I packed up the diapers and told him we were giving them to Baby Breckyn (a boy from daycare last year who really isn't even a baby anymore and from all I know could already by potty trained).  Callum screamed bloody murder for 15 minutes or so and begged for diapers.  I didn't give in.  He had one accident, and then seemed to just accept the fact that I wasn't giving in.  He took off and did great that day!   We had another tantrum that evening where he begged for diapers and I swore he was possessed by the Devil, but it passed.  Now it's day 4, and we really have only had 2 accidents since we started.  He is running to the bathroom on his own and was even outside playing with the big boys and came to the door to tell me he had to go.  So I think it's safe to say we are in the clear.  Now, I just have to get him to wear the undies.  He would much rather go commando.  One battle at a time.  :)

The One About Halloween 2015

    My decision to start blogging again hasn't worked out so well.  Still, I figure if I can even post once or twice a month, it's better than nothing.
    Ernie and I went to a Halloween party in Chambers the night before Halloween.  We had gone the year before and had a lot of fun.  I searched for costumes, but just never really found anything that worked out.  Then I saw this quick and easy T-shirt idea and ran with it.  Ernie was happy with me that he didn't have to go all out in full costumes.

 
    On Halloween evening we headed to town with the boys.  Callum wasn't excited about wearing his costume.  He kept the hood off most of the night.

 
   Gavin was excited about his costume.  He won the costume contest at school this year.  I was really worried it would pop, but it held up.  The boys walked around town, and Callum really enjoyed running up to the doors.

The One About the 2-year Hiatus

      I don't really know why I quit blogging.  I guess we got busy with life.  Last night, something made me drag about the binder where I keep all my printed off blog posts.  The boys and I had so much fun reading through them.  Then I immediately wanted to cry, because I will never have those 2 years of posts for Callum.  I missed 1-2 year old Callum...the milestones, funny stories, etc..  I also missed many moments for the older boys; moments that are lost forever in the caves of my mind.  So I decided that the blog needs to start back up.  I don't even care if anyone reads it, not that I ever did. It was never about an audience.  It's more a way for me to remember all these crazy, chaotic times of parenting. It's a reminder to myself to get those pictures off of my phone and reflect on each moment. It gives me an outlet to write, which I love to do, but rarely take the time to do more than a quick text, email, or Facebook post.  I am not going to try to do a catch-up, but just start with where we are at this point in our lives.

Gavin--Gavin is currently in the 3rd grade.

He is still a bookworm, which I love.  He is very much his mother's son in many ways.  However, he is very messy, unorganized, and a procrastinator, which I know he does not get from me. Those traits drive his mother CRAZY!!!!   He is obsessed (and I do mean OBSESSED) with football:  college, NFL, etc..  He watches the games, reads the magazines, and talks about it constantly.  This year, he started playing Leprechaun football with a team in O'Neill.  So we run him to O'Neill 2x/week for practices and to Norfolk on Sundays to games.  He loves it.  He proudly shows off his bruises after each game.

There are 6 boys in his class who are playing football, so they split them up 2 Ewing boys on each O'Neill team.  

Gavin is starting to change..mature.  I see it little by little, and it makes me sad.  He is starting to spend more time alone in his room, either reading football magazines, playing Minecraft, or watching You Tube videos about the NFL.  He wants his own space.  He is more independent.  He is getting mouthy.  I can usually give him a look when he is throwing his attitude, and he breaks into a huge smile. I see him in public, and he just seems different.  I can tell that he is starting to need me less and less.  It's heartbreaking, but also makes me proud.  I guess that's what parenthood is all about.  

Asher:  Asher started Kindergarten this fall.  To say that Asher has been a difficult child is an understatement.   We had the biting phases at daycare, the no-sleeping phases (who am I kidding...it's never been just a phase), the constant ear infections, the loud bellow that is his normal speaking voice, the attitude/agression/roughness, etc...  I remember thinking, "Let's just get him to Kindergarten."  Well, we did it!!  Yet, I still sobbed all the way home after I dropped him off that first day.  He has grown up a lot since starting Kindergarten, but he is still my baby in some respects.  

He still wants me to cuddle with him on the couch or lay with him at night.  He will still randomly tell me, "I love you, Mommy."  He is terrified of storms, and the tears instantly build up in his eyes when the sky is dark.  Every morning, he asks us if it's going to storm.  We don't really know why this fear of storms started, but I think it dates back to the tornado that destroyed Pilger.  We had the news on a lot during that time and drove the boys through the town on our way to Omaha.  I think that scared him more than we realized and stayed with him.  He now sleeps on an air mattress in our room next to our bed.  We fought and fought with him about sleeping in his own bed for months, but it ended up meaning that no one got any sleep.  He was in our room several times/night.  Finally, I caved in and bought an air mattress.  It's not ideal, but at least we are finally all getting sleep at night and Ernie and I get to stay in our bed. Eventually, I know he'll want to sleep in his room again.  For now, it really isn't a problem.  Honestly, as long as we are all getting sleep, that's what is important. When I am sleep-deprived, it's not good.   

Here is the Kdg class in Ewing.

Callum:   Callum is now 3 years old.  

He is still my tiny boy, but he has an attitude something fierce.  He loves Curious George and Paw Patrol.  He "calls" the TV before we walk in the door. Callum also will randomly say, "I just love you, too."  I think he heard Asher saying it, and just started too.  I love it!  He will also ask me "Want to cuddle in your bed or not?" Cuddling and talking is a big thing in our house.  Callum says, "That's not good" all the time.  The other day, I was cleaning his ears with a Q-tip.  He wanted to see it, so I showed it to him.  He said, "Yuck.  That's not good."  Callum is talking like crazy now.  His language exploded in the last few months.  We are working on colors, shapes, and counting.  We try to spend some time working on those things while the big boys are in school, as well as reading and playing games.  I love my 2 days/week home with him.  I feel like with him being the youngest, he got jipped on the Mommy time.  So now that it's just he and I at home, I am trying to make that up to him. When he isn't watching Curious George, of course.  Asher is really good with Callum and helps work with him on things.  I was asking Callum one day if he was a boy or a girl.  Asher jumped in, "Callum, are you a buck or a doe?"  Now that Asher is learning sounds and blending them in Reading Mastery, he is always coming home and having Callum play school.  

   A few times over the past month, I have caught Callum cursing.  Asher heard it first and told me about it.  I was surprised, but one day Callum was playing with Play Doh.  He dropped a piece, and I heard, "God D$&*#*$(!"  I said, "WHAT???"  He dropped his eyes and said, "Nuffin.  I said Nuffin." I couldn't believe and immediately wondered where he got that from.  Then about an hour later, I heard the words come out of my mouth.  Ooops!

    Lisa Schrunk retired last spring, so 3 days/week Callum spends time with Grandma Karen or Daddy, depending on what's going on.  He is on a waiting list to get into another daycare next year.  I think daycare is good for him.  He has forgotten that he needs to share.  His big brothers usually let him have what he wants, so I think a year of daycare before preschool will be good to get him back in the practice of sharing/getting along with others.   

    Ernie and I are busy with the kids and all of their activities.  I feel like we are always running somewhere.  Ernie has a semi, and is gone overnight every once in awhile hauling corn to Iowa. The farm schedule hasn't seemed as crazy the last few years, or it's possible that I am just used to it now. I am still working as a speech pathologist in Elgin 3 days/week.  I have been at those schools 10 years now, which doesn't seem possible.  Ernie and I celebrated our 11th anniversary in May (well, I don't know if celebrated is the word.  The day came and went...I can't even remember if did anything to acknowledge the day).  :)   There have been many external stressors on our marriage over the last 9 months, but here we are.  I guess marriage is a lot like parenting.  Many ups and downs, and you just try to keep on moving forward, and grab onto the good moments.  My favorite thing in the world is when one of the boys says something funny or something happens, and Ernie and I just look at each other and laugh.  I love our little family.  I am blessed.

  

    

The One About Uncle Nate's Wedding

   Over Labor Day weekend, we traveled down to Garden City, Kansas to watch Uncle Nate and Jess get married.  To be honest, I have been dreading it all year.  Not the wedding, of course, but the 7 hour drive down to Garden City with three boys.  We decided to leave Thursday evening and drive to McCook.  I had to work that day and had a meeting afterschool so we weren't able to leave until around 6:00.  Callum cried for the first 30 minutes or so, and we eventually pulled over so I could move to the back.  That made it worse, because then he could see me and wanted held.  At one point, my phone fell off my lap onto the floor between the seats and I ended up kneeling on it.  It was a tragedy!  I cracked my screen and couldn't use it at all.  I felt like a lost an arm.  Plus, the screen was still showing, so I could see I had some texts and messages, but couldn't read them.  It was torture.  We made it to McCook by 10:30 that evening and checked into the hotel.  Everyone slept okay, but not great.  The next morning, we waited for US Cellular to open so I could get a new phone and hopefully they could get to my contact list, which I had never backed up.  I did get a new phone, but my contacts are probably lost forever.  Live and learn.  After that, we headed to Garden City.  I felt like we were in Kansas driving forever.  There was nothing to look at, except the Buffalo Bill statue.  We finally made it after lunch.  The boys swam that afternoon, and we all got ready for the rehearsal.
    Asher was the ringbearer, actually sign holder.  His job was to walk down the aisle right before Jess with a sign that said, "Uncle Nate, here comes your girl!"  At rehearsal, he wasn't doing it.  He grabbed the sign in one hand, swinging it next to him as he walked the aisle so no one could read it.  Mark told him he would give him $5 to do it, and that did it.  A few other people told him they would give him money if he did it.  He will do anything for money.  The rehearsal supper was at Jess's parents house.  They have a beautiful backyard, with a play area.  Crag & Ann had totes of tractors and toys out for the boys to play with.  They actually were so busy playing, that when we got ready to leave that night Ernie and I realized we didn't even have them eat.  So a late night trip to McDonalds it was.  The next morning, the boys were up and ready to swim by 8:00.  We ate breakfast with Ernie, and then he headed out with the groomsmen and other men to golf.   The boys swam for awhile, and then Grandma Karen, Grandma Kurp, and I took them to the Garden City Zoo.  It was really nice.  You could pay to drive through, but then they had several parking spots throughout so you could pull over and get out and walk.  Which was perfect, because Callum fell asleep on the drive there so he was able to stay in his seat and sleep while we toured the zoo.  We came back and after lunch, the boys went swimming with Matt & Emily.  All the family started arriving that afternoon, so they had plenty of people to keep them busy.  Asher had to be at the church by 3:00 for pictures.  The church had a big playroom in the back, where the boys hung out during pictures and before the ceremony.  Here are some pictures from then (the only time that day I was able to actually get my camera--I was way too busy to take pictures the rest of the time).  I had planned to take several on my phone, but my new phone had no memory and I didn't have a SD card.  So it wouldn't take a single shot.

   
     Asher did great during pictures.  He has been making silly faces in pictures so often, but he smiled and did great.  Before the wedding, I stood in the back of the church with him.  We all reminded him about the money he could earn (like he ever forgot).  He was pumped to do the job.  When Jess walked in the lobby, he kept turning around and smiling at her, holding up his sign so she knew he was going to do it.  When it got to his turn to walk, he took one step in the church, froze, and then backed up into me.  I hear his facial expression was priceless.  I just grabbed his hand, and walked him down the aisle.  At least people got to see the sign.  What a relief when we made it to the pew.  I have been so worried that he wouldn't do it, but he made it.  Mark passed him his money when he sat down.  :)
    The wedding was short and sweet.  There weren't any surprises or hiccups.  After the wedding, Gavin and Asher both handed out the bubbles.

    The reception was held at the golf course, which was beautiful.  Again, I wish I had my camera to take pictures.  There was a beautiful ice sculpture with two hearts.  Jess's family owns Myers Ice, a huge ice business in Kansas.  There was a huge ice cream bar with tons of toppings.  The dance floor had orange and purple lanterns hanging from lights and white fabric draped above our heads.  The clubhouse was huge, so there were different areas set up with the Husker game on.  Jess and her family are huge K-State fans, so there was a lot of banter back and forth.  Both toasts talked about Huskers vs. K-State.
    We all enjoyed the reception and dance.  Callum and Asher left early to go back to the hotel, but Gavin stayed to party till the end.  Jess had glow sticks there for the kids.  Gavin proceeded to adorn himself with glow sticks until the end.  I think he had 30+ glow sticks on, including this long cape of glow sticks that trailed behind him.  It was so funny, b/c he became like the mascot of the dance.  People kept stopping him to take pictures with him.  He said, "Mommy, everybody loves me.  They keep taking pictures with me, even people I don't know."  It worked out well for me, because I didn't ever have to get up from my table to know where he was.  Everyone could see him glowing.  By 11:30 a storm started moving in so they told everyone to go back to the hotel.  Grandma and Grandpa watched the kids, so we could go to the lounge with everyone.  We partied well into the night.
   Asher was up by 6:30 the next morning, so we decided to pack up and take off.  It was a long drive home, but luckily we survived.  I think we all agreed that it was wonderful to be back home.  Nate & Jess drove to Omaha on Sunday to get on the train to Chicago, for their mini-honeymoon.  They are taking a bigger trip in the future, but were able to get away for a few days to enjoy their marriage.

The One About Callum's 1st birthday

     The week before Callum's birthday, we had gone to O'Neill to Beerose Photos to have smash cake and birthday pictures done.  I have seen a few, and am so excited to see the rest.  The boys were really pumped for the smash cake pictures, and cheered Callum on as he poked at the cake.  He didn't really "smash" it, but by the end he had destroyed half of it.
     Because it was a super busy week for us with Nate's wedding, we just had a small birthday celebration a few nights before Callum's birthday.  Here are some pictures from that night:

Aunt Jess got Callum some baby Sperry's, but he wasn't a big fan of shoes.

   I really can't believe Callum is 1-year old.  I know everyone says this, but the year went so quickly.  Luckily, Callum is small so I can't pretend he is my baby for bit longer.  :)  He is 20 lbs, 6 ozs and 30.8 inches tall.  He is in the 15th percentile for weight, which I find so funny b/c the other boys were NEVER under 90th percentile.  I don't think Asher was ever under the 98th percentile.  Callum is so tiny!  He is in the 78th percentile for height.  Callum says Mama, Dada, and a word that sounds like tractor, but he says it randomly, not in reference to a tractor.  The first time he said it, he was imitating Daddy.  Then we made such a big deal out of it that he kept repeating it over and over again.  I immediately grabbed toy tractors so he would realize what the word meant that he was repeating, but I don't think it's sunk in yet.  Callum is standing on his own for several seconds, but not yet walking.  He has taken a step or two at times, but hasn't taken off to full blown walking. Which is completely fine, since I told him he was not allowed to walk before Uncle Nate's wedding anyway.  He walks around furniture, and can crouch down on his own, pickup a toy, and stand straight back up.  Callum crawls three ways:  army crawl, bear crawl, and regular crawl.  He army crawls less now, b/c he can go so much faster with the bear crawl.  The kid can really book it across the room if he wants to.  He is definitely a Mama's boy, and wants to be held most of the time.  If he isn't on my hip and sees me, he immediately starts whimpering for me.  Yes, it's hard because I pretty much have learned to do everything with him on my hip, but I do secretly love it.  I think he knows his place in this family as the baby brother.  He is milking it for all it's worth.